Kodak

This is a tough time for many people in the family as we deal with the death of Kamal mama. If you need a few tips on how to deal with the emotions you may be feeling, this website is a great little resource. I wish you all the best through this process.

I thought that I'd have more time to write this. Just yesterday, I scolded my fellow Blog leaders for being lazy because I wanted to write this. I thought I had days. Days with an 's', plural days. Turns out I had less than one. Immediately when I was informed by my grandfather, I went into damage control mode. I called my mother who didn't yet know, and made sure that I had told Lily I'd be there for her if she wanted to talk. I then called my dadima, who was crying, as I tried to keep my composure, realizing how much it hurt her. She couldn't say a word in english for about a minute. I then texted Josh, telling him, and asking him to call our dadima, then informing Joseph and asking him to do the same. All the while, I hadn't given myself time to sit and think about it, and I hadn't written about it like I had wanted to do. Today is a busy day for me, and so instead of my bed, a table, or a desk, I am writing this sitting in the hallways of my old high school. Before I start though, I'd like to note that I will obsessively avoid calling our winter vacation "Christmas", and I was going to write another post on that but obviously that will come after this one, as it is nowhere near as important.  

Kodak, Tennessee. That town means basically nothing to most people. Nobody knows where it is. People in my own family sometimes don't even recognize it but I do, for two reasons. Memory is encoded semantically, and thus the more you can relate to a context, the easier it is to remember.  Kodak, Tennessee is where I spent my winter vacations with my family. We all called it "the Motel", or "Tennessee", but for me it's Kodak. Why Kodak? I have always loved having a mental map of things, and I therefore love the precision that a town name gives me. Years after the motel was sold, I wanted to find it on the map. How does one find a random Motel 6 that is no longer a Motel 6 on Google maps when you don't know anything other than Tennessee? (Josh: You memorize the address, like I did 10+ years ago). This is where my love of baseball came in. The Tennessee Smokies, currently a AA level team for the Chicago Cubs were right across the street, and I remember how across the pool was a busy road, and from those things I could easily find the address of our Motel. (Fun fact, when they moved to Kodak they were an affiliate of the Toronto Blue Jays, my favorite team!) Now it's an America's Best Value Inn, still at 184 E Dumplin Valley Road, Kodak, Tennessee.

There are so many memories I remember from that magical location. I remember when Josh got a PlayStation for the holidays, and we immediately usurped the TV in the guest room, and we never gave it up. I remember playing football in the parking lot, especially the moment when I was playing Quarterback and Kaushal somehow knocked me down while I was trying to throw the ball to John masa (why we were playing football on asphalt, I have no idea). I remember eating on the large mat with my hands, with every masi and mama I could name chatting loudly, laughing, smiling. I remember when we would arrive for our holiday vacation and enter the main house, and Hansa mami would always say "do you remember me? do you remember me?". Just for the record, I remembered you and everybody else but have always been too afraid of butchering your name, so I'd shy away from answering the question. There have been so many wonderful memories from that time, from opening presents and taking pictures, to simply eating in that big room, and looking at all the beautiful people that make up my family.

But to me, there is always one moment that as a kid sticks out to me. Out of all the things that made the Motel destination unique, as a child my favorite was probably the keys. Yes, keys. I'm not sure why, but I loved the keys. I remember that Josh and I would always bug Kamal mama to let us help him with the whole key system when guests were checking in and out. I somewhat doubt that we actually did any work, and would bet that we were just being nuisances, but it was one of my favorite things to do. The whole key being assigned thing felt magical to me, and is probably one of the reasons I felt technology was so cool, because there had always been that magical element I saw every winter at the Motel. (Note from Josh: I recently stayed at a motel with the exact same style of key, and it brought back a lot of fond memories of spending time with Kamal mama at the desk). That was one of the first integrated computer systems I ever saw, and it always intrigued me. I was too young for it to be the type of thing where it was like "oooh I want to see how this works", but it certainly planted a seed. That was Kamal mama, putting up with us, letting us play, while trying to do a job. Whether he was just trying to deal with annoying kids and do his job, or he was playing with us, it was an impact on my life I will never forget. I remember that. I remember him. I may not have been old enough to truly know him or his personality as well as I would have liked but he was family, and I love my family. Every single member of this family has made an impact on me, and it pains me to have a family member die.

This is too soon for him. The prospect of losing any member of the family is sad and daunting, but when it becomes real it's just worse. There is no way to do Kamal mama justice through a blog post, no way to express who he is to everybody, or capture his essence. He's a father, a grandfather, an uncle, and a brother, sure. But to each and every one of us he is a piece of our lives who will be greatly missed. Simply put, it stinks that he died. Personally, I just wanted to share a memory that I had, and express how I am feeling. If anybody else would like to, feel free to send me a memory, story, or sentiment and I'll post it. If anybody wants to reach out and chat, I, and the entire blog team, am always available to chat. Below we will have the thoughts of those who have given us something to post.